* the love nest of him and her *

Sunday, May 3, 2009

ytd night, even now.
my heart feels like its been torn apart.
like someone just crushed my heart and threw it away.
it's so absurd, i don't even know why i'm still alive because i feel my heart's missing even.
every step i make, every word i say. tears just come out from my eyes.
i got hurt ytd. it's like a big hole inside my heart. i don't know how to fill it up even.
i don't know which part it was, maybe everything. but i know which one had the greatest impact.
this blog, was meant to contain everything happy. sweet.
now, it's like becoming a graveyard for all our troubles, and heartbreaks.
looking at all our previous posts to now, i don't even understand why it has become like that.
so many questions, so many things i need to be reassured about.
i lose my confidence so easily.
i never seem to be able to tell myself, you are what he wants. you are his miracle.
each time i tell myself, i laugh and say how can i even be?
i try. but i never can make that confidence build up.
i feel such a loser. because people worse than me possess so much more confidence, which in turn makes me a even bigger loser.
and baby, i really hope you have too patience to reassure me all over again.
can't believe it.
can't breathe either.
my heart, mind. everything. is thrown into a big whirlwind.
i don't even know.
how we can start anew again.
because i know.
without my confdence. i'm practically nothing.
no matter what you say or do, i still feel practically nothing.
once i see some chubby girls with big eyes,
i feel nothing.
once i get insecure of myself, i feel nothing.
i feel nothing all the time.
how do i get myself to feel something?

bellebelle♥

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beth winks
at |10:25 AM|