Monday, June 8, 2009
today, we had our little talk again.
i was troubled again, like always.
so many questions are left unanswered.
stupid questions which i know you can't answer until it really happens.
even so, i'll still write it down here.
how come it was less painful this time? i still don't understand.
how come we've been quarrelling so much lately?
if i was paralysed, sick would you take care of me because you love me or because you pity me?
as i write, i feel the rest of the questions have left to ask have disappeared in my mind.
don't know why.
only a marriage vow can proof the third question i have.
because that's when the promises come in.
that's when i know you really love me and when you love me enough to get married with me, you would take up the burden to take care of me out of love. not pity.
but in this era, to people. what is a marriage vow?
it is not even a vow anymore because people are breaking it.
another question put onto my list.
then again. what is love?
is love everything? or is love not everything?
another 2 questions down the list.
i don't even know if you have the patience to answer them anymore.
because like me, you don't know either.
yet. what happened to us?
where did the laughters and joy go?
why did the pain and sadness fall in?
why did we change?
why did the relationship change?
where was your will? your strength?
why are we hurting each other?
why are we in pain?
where did all the goodnight kisses go?
where did all the initiation to hold hands cling hands go?
how come we're drifting away frm our dreams, the promises we've made?
how come in this blog, there are no happy memories anymore?
is it because even if there are happy moments, the pain has covered them up?
when will all this end?
i dont know myself. you dont know either.
if i told you, the thought of leaving you has never left my mind since last night.
n my mind i keep thinking, we're in pain. should we hold on? is there happiness out there for us?
it makes me go crazy.
but i know. i cant be so selfish.
unless one day, when we both want a clean break, then our journey shall end.
this nine months. have been the best with you.
even though the past 2 months have been painful,
but i still remember the moments we shared.
you may have forgotten, but i haven't.
maybe one day, you wont love me anymore.
but i figured. it's alright.
i'll let the rain wash my tears away.
bellebelle♥
bellebelle
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beth winks
at |11:30 PM|